Three easy ways to be a mindful parent
Mindfulness continues to be my North star in coping with all that comes with being a mom. I was a "bonus mom" before I became a "bio mom" and before both of those, I wore the hat of “fur mom”. No matter what kind of momma you are, you can benefit from the practice of Mindfulness, and here are a few of the many ways.
Your mind determines how you respond to what life presents to you, especially the stressors. Mindfulness is a way to train the quality of the mind itself and positively change the way your mind interprets reality and shapes your individual experience.
You are not your thoughts.
This is a big realization for some people! You disconnect your core identity from that of your thoughts. (If you have a sad thought, it does not mean you are a sad person.) Mindfulness is defined as paying attention to the present moment, in a systematic way, without judgment. An extension of this definition is offering kindness/compassion.
Temporary- Even if a situation that you are dealing with has been or will be that way for 6 hours (*cough* homeschooling), a month, or 18 years, it's not forever. Mindfulness reminds us that it is in the moment that our lives happen. This allows me to sink into the now - being fully present and engaged. To be intentional in those moments and let go of the previous ones. "This too shall pass" is a great mantra to keep in mind when you are struggling, and when you are joyful so that you don't let the moment slip by unappreciated. You become the role model of how to behave even under challenging circumstances.
Awareness - Paying attention. It is the ability to take notice, it is the art and science of being conscious. Of other people's demeanor, of your energy, your current state of being or attitude, it is witnessing. Not just blindly going through life, reacting to everything like a mad game of ping pong. You know that feeling when you walk in the door to your house, and you hadn't quite let go of the workday and now it's an influx of the more people needing your attention and to dole out food for the pets. Dinner isn't cooking itself, maybe the cat vomited, and you still have anal glands on your pants.
How can one manage effectively if they aren't aware of what's going on or the effect it has on them? Stress makes you quick to pass judgment and blame. Awareness helps you handle these circumstances with presence and grace. Perhaps you communicate with your family you need to shower immediately, to decompress, when you get home, before tackling all the things. Maybe you center yourself with a quick meditation in the car and a deep breath to bring yourself into the moment before opening the door to your home. You will begin to notice yourself having thoughts, without getting swept up and carried away with them, and once you notice this you can work with it. You are simply a witness when you practice mindful awareness.
Compassion/Kindness- for yourself and to others. What a concept?! But I have to say, especially when it comes to the self-talk people subject themselves to on a 24/7 basis, compassion can be a muscle that has atrophied. Studies show that we have an average of 50k thoughts/day, with 80% being negative and up to 95% of those thoughts, being repetitive. Meaning, you thought the same things the day before, the week before, and so on. Furthermore, you've had a negative self-talk loop on 80% of that time. So, I encourage you to put your "friend hat" on, and talk to yourself, as you would to a friend. Chances are you'll give yourself a break, and you will realize, not only are you ENOUGH, but you are stellar!
If you are circling a negative-thought-drain, picture a STOP sign to interrupt the pattern. Then actually stop what you are doing and thinking. Take a breath. Observe -without judgment, whatever your experience is - frustration, pain, worry, happiness, anything. Just be aware, and take stock. Then, open up and proceed forward without expectations. Be open to receiving peace.
S (stop) T (take a breath) O (observe) P (proceed)
Bonus Tip: Give the brain a new pathway to default to if you are caught up in a thinking pattern or negative feelings that are not serving you. After recognizing and stopping the usual behavior, now change it. Use a mantra like 'Think New Thoughts'. (I have a post-it on my shower door as a reminder.) Practicing Gratitude in times of frustration can free you, even if what you are grateful for is unrelated to the original negative thoughts. There are so many ways you can implement mindfulness into your life both personally and professionally.
To learn more about leveling up your mindfulness game check out Get MotiVETed University.